THE IDEAL JUNGLE GYM by STANDARDIZED POSTER
January 15 2025Picture the ideal jungle gym,
made according to the designs
of an Ivy-League architect. He
spent his formative years on
campus, of brick, grass, and
clocktower, and late in his car-
eer was ask to design the ideal
jungle gym. Would you like to
play with me? Don’t laugh. I
hate it when you laugh, some-
times. Other times I like it,
though, like when it’s part of
the plan. The architect and I
have drafted very careful plans.
When I’m happy, the jungle gym
will be mediterranean, and in
fact not maze-like at all. You’d
crawl through the tunnel and
emerge in the grotto and isn’t it so
pretty and Ivy-League? People do
this every day, build jungle gyms—
according to the city planner’s budget.
I killed him. I stole his money. Now
I can build the ideal jungle gym. I’ll
go first through the tunnel, and you’ll
follow. Who knows what will happen
when we emerge? I’m a little bit like
the architect. Except that I designed
it with a certain person in mind.
Standardized Poster is a zoomer, former literary critic, and yuppie.